I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED TO THE NORTH BENNET STREET SCHOOL FOR PIANO TUNING AND REPAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been five days since I sent Manabu my 18 pages of information on the 42 pieces...just like he asked me to.  He told me he'd read it when he had the chance...he has two piano class finals, a general education final and piano juries tomorrow.  Why don't I know if I passed the exam or not?!?!?!  I don't understand how URI can really screw you till the end.  Just when you think that your out of clutches of this godforsaken place and WHAM!! you're right back in it.  I'm more frustrated now then when he told me that I didn't pass the exam.  All I know is I better pass, I've done a lot of work for URI and not gotten any thanks...I just want to leave and never turn back.

I think I finally finished the last part of the ridiculous piano comprehensive exam.  I did two paragraphs for each piece.  I have 18 pages of stuff, Manabu better like it.  I spent 8 hours just typing it, not to mention all the time I put in before researching all those pieces.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Now I can graduate happy. 

I'm still waiting on the NBSS to find out if I'm going there in the fall yet.  Just a couple weeks...

I want to thank everyone in Lively Experiment for probably the best concert we've ever had.  There is no greater way for someone to end their time in a group.  Despite my saying I'm happy to be leaving, there is one experience I wish would never end and that's Lively.

I am a weird point right now.  I'm very close to graduating which is awesome, but I don't want to have to miss my friends.  I've met a lot of great people and of course some people I'm not a huge fan of, but none the less these people make URI bearable.  I want to go to Boston and the North Bennet Street School so badly this fall.  I still have to wait two weeks to find out if I've gotten in yet.  George Kent told me today that he's got nothing but the highest regards and only the best things to say about the school.  He said anyone who goes to that school will be better than any tuner currently in RI.  I'm so very excited about this school and graduation and having a summer to find myself again.  I hope that I can finally have something go my way in this situation.

Here I am at 3 pm, typing away just after a presentation of my portfolio.  I don't understand how something so trivial can be hyped up that much.  I went to the presentation thinking I had to defend my portfolio when all we had to do was tell the faculty what was in it.  School is almost over once again.  My master's is within sight and all I have to do is finish up my piano comprehensive, do a jury and go to a "final."  A couple of concerts help to fill the time.

I'm almost 100% sure that I'm going to take some time to do nothing this summer.  I'll have odds and ends jobs as well as my students, but it's been such a long time since I've done something for myself, I think it's high I did.  I hope this summer affords me the time to see Cory a lot.  I hardly ever get to talk to her let alone see her anymore.  A few small trips would be fantastic.  I love her to death and she is one of the biggest reasons I made it through graduate school.

So a lot has changed since a week ago.  I thought I would wait to go to Boston for a couple years.  For those of you who don't know, I want to study piano technology there.  Since a week ago, Cory told me that she thinks I should try and go for this coming September...and for good reason.  In a couple years, we are planning to get married, if I went to Boston in September, that's a terrible way to start our life together.  Everyone I have spoken to about this, agrees completely with her and to tell you the truth so do I. 

The issue comes in that I tried to have a reasonable conversation with them about it and it just turned into an argument.  My mom thinks that I'm giving up on teaching and being a performer now.  I attempted to reassure her that I'm just making sure I have other open doors...but she doesn't want to hear it.  I got yelled at for saying I was going to take out a loan to pay for school because they did everything they could to keep my bills from my undergrad years to a minimum.  I told them that I appreciate everything they've done for us and that I want to do this.

They said they want me to understand their position on this whole thing.  I told them that I did and all I want was them to understand where I was coming from and I needed some support.  That was a hard decision for me to make and even harder to tell them about it.  I try to be open and honest with them and it goes to fisticuffs...(I only used that word because me makes me a little happier inside).  Is asking them to try and understand where I'm coming from too much to ask?

My mom ended our "conversation" with "It's not our decision what you do..."  I guess that was her attempt to make me feel guilty, but all that is apparent to me is that i'm on my own for this...

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now.  School is almost over for me and that means it's time to look onward to the next part of life.  I'm not certain where i'll be or what i'll be doing yet.  I know that my piano studio is steadily growing which is all well and good, but I can't just do that.  There isn't enough money in it for me to pay rent, pay bills, or anything else for that matter.  All I know is that I want to move on to this part of life because it will be different.  I'm tired of going to URI and dealing with the same drama day in and day out.  I just want it to end.  Strangely enough all I want to do is go to Boston for piano technology.  It will pay the bills and any debt that Cory and I have accumulated.  

Cory is the only thing in my life that I'm 100% sure of.  I know she's always there for me and we're both really excited to get married.  The hardest part is having to spend so much time away from her.  The only time I know i'll get to talk to her is at night using a video chat and that doesn't always work.  I've spent countless hours pondering what we will do with our lives and where we will end up.  I want to go to the North Bennet Street School, but if we get married when we plan to, I won't go.  I can't spend the first couple years of our marriage in a long distance relationship, it's not fair to either of us.  I'm hoping she can find a job near there, or perhaps she will attend graduate school in Boston.  One of the hardest things about the future is the uncertainty of it all.  $30,000 is a lot of money, but it would be worth it.  

No matter what I end up doing, I know Cory is there for me.  She is such a sweetheart when it comes to listening to my ranting and raving about not knowing what i'm going to do with my life.  I can't wait to be married and never have to sleep alone.  I'm ready for all the good and bad times that we must go through.  I love her deeply...I just hope I can figure out the rest of my life to compliment all that I am sure of... 

Last night was probably one of the worst nights I've had in a long time.  It seemed as though everyone was against me...well almost everyone.  I know that I don't have long before I'm out of school for good, and I have a plan, but no one seems to understand what it is that I want to do.  They don't get it, if I continue to play the way I am right now...I won't be able to play in a few years.  I'm having flair ups in my wrists again and I can't blame the weather all the time...there is a serious problem here.

I know only one thing for certain...I love Cory to death.  She did her best at making me smile and laugh even though I was being stubborn and depressed.  Being that that was last night and today wasn't much better, I just thought of her smiling face on iChat last night and everything she has done for me.  She's helped me look for scholarships and grants, she's helped me through my depression and been there when I am happy.  She's the reason I am happy and I don't ever want to lose that.  I realized last night just how lucky I am to have her and to have her care for me the way she does...Cory, when you read this, I want you to know, I am always there for you too and I love you with all my heart!  <3<3<3

This semester is almost over.  I've been busy with writing papers and practicing (not as much as I'd like).  I can't wait for the day that I don't have to do anything else until next semester.  Hopefully that day will come. 

If nothing else, I can say that my stress level has decreased significantly...now I just have to do my jury and take-home final for Research in Music...

Today was an overall good day.  I got a lot accomplished with my research in music class and I had time to practice my own music for a change.  Despite the overwhelming feeling I get from thinking about all the music I foolishly agreed to play, I feel pretty calm.  The end of the semester just can't come fast enough for me.  The only unfortunate thing is that I'll be one semester closer to have to make a decision about what my life does next. 

I've been attempting to find grant money to go the North Bennet Street School but this search is one dead end after another.  I've searched all the obvious places and some of the less obvious ones, but who knows what is a scam and what is genuine nowadays.  Luckily, Ann told me to talk to her if I got nowhere with any of the obvious choices, so that's my next step.  I'm really excited about becoming a piano technician.  It's the first time in a long time that I've really felt passionate about something having to do with my career.  Unfortunately, if I can't find the grant money, I can't afford to go...hopefully Ann will give me some good news.  She knows a few people who went there for violin making.  For anyone who doesn't know about this school, it's a pretty cool deal, it's easy to find on the internet.

I know Cory has mentioned maybe going somewhere else to be a piano technician, but I'm hard-pressed to find a full time school that is so willing to help you.  The NBSS seems like the best school around.  The only problem is that it is in Boston.  If Cory can't find a job around there or along the T route, then it's going to be that much longer that we won't be living together.  I always ask myself if I can deal with that...We all have to do what we have to do, but I can't stand being away from her now, let alone another two years.  The school is full time 8-3:30 five days a week.  For $33,000 for two years, it's worth it for the education I'd be getting.

My dilemma continues...

I had an overall good day.  I got to eat dinner with the love of my life and I didn't get a lot of homework from Jane.  I only wish I could've practiced for longer.  Oh well, there is always tomorrow.  Right now I really feel like practicing.  It's a feeling I haven't had in a long long time...it's kinda nice to have it again.  Convo is just over a week away...I'm kind of excited!

Well, I went to King Richard's Faire today and had a lot of fun.  I was a little upset that Cory didn't get to come with us.  Especially because her computer acted up and she lost everything on it.  I miss her tremendously even though I get to see her almost everyday.  The only problem is, I don't get spend quality time with just her...we're always at fine arts, there is almost never us time anymore.  It's frustrating and a little overwhelming at times.  We've been bickering off and on for no reason.  I've come to the decision that our stress and frustration with school is being channeled into each other.  It's terrible.  I love her more than anything and would do anything for her.  She's got me at her every whim...and she knows it. haha.

So today was a much better day.  I feel like I actually accomplished some classwork and maybe...just maybe I won't feel like an idiot the next time I get a pedagogy assignment back.   All I can do is suck it up and do my work one day at a time. 

Once this semester is over, my last semester is going to be a breeze.  Just ensembles, Electronic Music and my recital.  Then I'm free from the clenches of URI!

In other news, I'm feeling really great about my relationship with Cory.  I know we've been bickering a bit lately, but I know we'll be fine.  She is by far the best thing to ever happen to me.  She can always lift my spirits whenever I'm down...I'm one of the luckiest people...ever.

I don't understand how a University can put two graduate level classes that are writing and research intensive in the same semester.  Between Seminar in performance and pedagogy to Research in Music, my life is in the library or reading idiotic books.  The busy work that Jane Murray puts us through is ridiculous.  If she ever gave us a guideline to our assignments, it would be a godsend.  The lack of a grade on papers is really sickening.  I went to make a comment about our new assignment today and Jane decided she would give me my last assignment, a rubric for piano.  She had the NERVE to say, "I'm pretty sure yours was one of the ones that I had a problem with."  I spent hours trying to refine that GODDAMN thing and she face to face, told me that it sucked.

What on earth does someone say to that?! She felt like I took a shortcut and didn't answer what she was looking for.  Give me a damn guideline and I will give you a good paper. 

Now with Research, at least the teacher is a human!  I'm tired of going to the library to research books I'm never going to use.  I've been in the library more this semester than the entire Senior class of music at URI!  Her ill-fated attempt at keeping the old way alive is really making those of us who have her class and Jane Murray's class go insane with work.  I don't mind reading and learning and doing the occasional paper, but the last time I checked...I was a PERFORMANCE major.  I am so sick of URI and their half-assed idea of a graduate music school.  I have been walked over and pushed to the side too many times by this department.  I can't wait for my chance to go to the North Bennet Street School...I'm pretty sure I wanted to be a performer when I started at URI, but the school has an uncanny ability to make people HATE the thing that they once cherished and enjoyed...